i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
