with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
