I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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