my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
