Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
