We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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