So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
