He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
