just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
