We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
