Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
