I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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