You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
