i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
