I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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