census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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