Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
