i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I smell like Dick and happiness
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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