Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
