he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
