she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
