Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
