I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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