Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
