how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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