i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
