It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
