Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
