just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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