I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
