I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
