If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
