Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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