I wish I could punch you in the face.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
