I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
