After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize