you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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