Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
