are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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