So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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