Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
