dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
