I skipped work to stalk him.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
