you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
