We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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