Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
