happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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