the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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