I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
