are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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