it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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