I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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