Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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