We named our party play list daddy issues
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
