:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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