As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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