You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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