when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My dick has a subreddit
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
