Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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