Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
