he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
