My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
