U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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