what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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