mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
