omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
