I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
