I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I look better un-naked...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The Olympian is in my bed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
