worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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